How to Raise a Boy

When he is little, I’ll buy him any toy he wants, as long as it is neither inappropriate nor dangerous. If I happen to see a colorful, eye-catching toy, I’ll order it right away and surprise him.

I don’t want him to gaze longingly at other children’s toys, nor do I want him, as an adult, to look at a toy in a shop window and think, “I wanted this so badly when I was young, but now, even if I bought it, it probably wouldn’t mean anything anymore.”

He loves beef, red-braised pork, grilled prawns, and big-plate chicken, so I’ll make these dishes for him regularly.

I won’t tell him how expensive they are or how much hard-earned money they cost his parents. But I will teach him that wasting food is wrong and that food should never be thrown away carelessly.

Occasionally, he may crave fried chicken or hamburgers. Even though I have no interest in them myself, I’ll still order a deluxe family meal for everyone and let him eat until he says on his own, “Dad, I don’t want any more.”

If he occasionally wants a bowl of instant noodles or some street food, I’ll say, “Of course, sweetheart. Dad happens to want some too!”

I’ll try not to spoil his enthusiasm. Nor will I treat so-called junk food as some terrifying menace or control his preferences and life in the name of doing what is best for him.

When he is young, I’ll pay attention to his social skills. If he has difficulty making friends, I’ll put myself out there and invite his classmates to our home. I’ll prepare plenty of tasty food and toys for them so that he can become the center of their social circle.

I may not be able to do it for him, but I can give him a little support.

I’ll try not to yell at or scold him unless he has genuinely crossed a serious line—for example, by endangering himself or others, behaving in a seriously immoral way, or breaking the law.

Most of the time, I’ll communicate with him calmly. If I occasionally become furious, I’ll ask someone else to watch him for a while so that I don’t lose control of my emotions.

I’ll help him discover one or two interests and develop them into genuine strengths.

I have always believed that the children who shine most brightly during their school years may not be the top-ranked students, but those who dazzle under the spotlight.

I don’t want him always to be the one standing below and applauding others. Nor do I want him to say that his only talent is eating.

I’ll pay attention to his education without pressuring him.

My son began taking English classes when he was three, and he can already hold many everyday conversations in English.

He says he enjoys it, so I’ll encourage him to keep learning. But if the workload begins to harm his mental well-being, we’ll stop immediately.

I’ll continue to observe him, teach according to his individual needs, and adjust our strategies and direction as he grows. I refuse to take a completely hands-off approach.

I’ll spend plenty of time with him.

I’ll make sure we have enough dedicated parent-child time.

Every day, we spend one or two hours doing nothing else—completely away from electronic devices and social obligations. Sometimes we sit in a corner and work on a puzzle; sometimes we simply lie in bed, doing nothing but talking about anything and everything.

I’ll pay attention to his physical development.

If he is shorter than expected, I’ll improve his nutrition from an early age and encourage him to do more stretching and jumping exercises. If that doesn’t help, we’ll consult a doctor.

If he develops a skin problem, we’ll seek medical treatment promptly.

If his teeth are misaligned, I’ll spend whatever is necessary to have them corrected.

If he has any hidden health concerns, we’ll discuss and address them promptly rather than leaving him to struggle alone.

I’ll pay attention to his mental health.

I’ll talk with him often and try to become his friend, so that even during adolescence, he will still feel comfortable talking to his parents.

If he encounters a problem, I won’t accuse him of being dramatic or pressure him to “get better” immediately. If he needs a change of scenery, we’ll take a break. If he needs professional help, we’ll see a doctor.

We’ll spend plenty of time outdoors.

We’ll make sure he gets enough outdoor activity every day. Running, jumping, and playing will support both his physical and mental development.

On weekends and holidays, we’ll take road trips within the province—nothing too exhausting, but enough to make our holidays more enjoyable.

When he is older, we can plan our trips together, helping him develop the ability to handle things independently from an early age.

I’ll give him enough pocket money regularly.

I want him to feel comfortable and confident within his social circle.

I’ll buy him a piggy bank so that he can save whatever money he doesn’t spend.

I’ll buy him plenty of well-fitting, attractive, fashionable clothes.

Hand-me-downs may not matter much when he is little, but when he gets older, I’ll try not to make him wear second- or even third-hand clothes.

I’ll make sure he looks neat, clean, and well put together. He’ll have new clothes from time to time, rather than simply having enough to keep warm.

I won’t compare my child with other people by highlighting their strengths.

I will always believe that my child is the best. Where he falls short, I’ll encourage him to improve gradually.

Guidance is acceptable; personal attacks are not.

I reject the idea of educating children through hardship.

I won’t constantly tell him how difficult our lives used to be or how miserable our jobs are now.

No matter how difficult life becomes, those are challenges for adults to face. Children come into this world to experience its beauty. As parents, we should do everything we can to help them feel that beauty—not make them think, “I wish you had never brought me into this world.”

If he wants to, I’ll encourage him to learn how to drive once he becomes an adult.

I’ll buy him a car as early as possible—perhaps while he is at university or shortly after graduation.

The sooner he has a car, the sooner he can enjoy the freedom it brings. While he is still young and has the time, energy, and opportunity, I want him to explore both poetry and distant horizons.

I’ll prepare a home for him, regardless of how modest it may be.

I simply want him to have a place to call his own, so that he doesn’t have to struggle constantly just to keep a roof over his head and food on the table.

I’ll also give him some money to get started, so that he can move forward with confidence and courage.

I’ll repeatedly tell him that failure is a normal part of life and that nothing is ever the end of the world.

Even if he has always ranked among the best and his grades suddenly decline, it won’t matter. As long as he has tried his best, there is nothing shameful about it.

Even if people have labeled him “outstanding,” he shouldn’t feel burdened by it. Outstanding people can have many areas in which they are not outstanding, and that does not make them any less exceptional.

Failing in his career is not the end of the world either. At worst, he can simply find an ordinary job.

And if that doesn’t work out, he can always come home. His mom and dad will always be there to catch him.

I’ll tell him again and again: Mom and Dad will always love him.

I’ve said a great deal, but perhaps this isn’t really about how to raise a child.

I am no extraordinary person, and I don’t need my child to become someone extraordinary either. I only hope that he will be healthy and happy and live a good life.

Perhaps one day, he will recreate the kind of life we gave him and think, “This world seems like a pretty good place. I’d like to have a child and experience its beauty together.”